More from our wonderful Anniversary Adventures earlier this month. We had so much fun kayaking in Morro Bay, a first for me. It was perfectly warm and sunny and the waters were calm. We paddled around otters and seals and birds on our tiny voyage. I highly recommend it if you haven't tried it.
For the last week or so I have been really irritable and selfish, feeling inadequate and all around just pretty bratty.
These characteristics aren't consistent with my everyday personality and I've been racking my brains,
searching my soul, trying to figure out why it's so difficult for me to love right now.
Although Mandy is speaking (beautifully) about romantic relationships, my spirit began
resounding with something I had recently sort of forgotten about the Christian faith.
Agape love.
I have been floating through my faith on what I feel like doing for about a year now,
trying to walk away from my legalistic tendencies. Lately, I haven't been succeeding
when trying to fix my attitude. Even my heart's posture in prayer is pretty self-centered.
But agape love, that's what I needed the reminder of.
Agape love isn't led by feelings, but by choice. It is to be selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional--the highest kind of love.
Whether I feel like it isn't the point. I made a choice to love Jesus fully, like He loves me, like He loves everyone.
My mind can't get past that. His patience exceeds past my understanding. Way, way, past.
So every bit of human ugliness that I can't seem to fix doesn't really matter.
I have made a decision a long time ago to agape love and His grace covers the rest.
To choose to love, even when I don't feel like it.
It brings freedom to my soul. His ways are mysterious and gentle is His conviction.
" Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try my and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24
